... because life's too short to do anything ALL the time . Creativity and positivity are my "hiraeth"

Monday, 4 July 2011

Word Up

Husband's still in hospital. They now think it's M.S. I don't care what they call it as long as they're treating it.

He's had some I.V. steroids or "moob growers" as he likes to call them having watched too much Family Guy (so I'm told) so he's starving, voice limited and not feeling so vertiginous. Is that actually a word?! All the rest we can cope with, we just need the sickness and the vertigo gone. That's what takes away his life quality.

People keep telling me that tripping back and forth to the hospital is hard work and really tiring, and my goodness I'm knackered but I still can't see HOW it can be so exhausting. It just is, but I can't accept it. Silly really. I could literally sleep all the time.

I had a conversation with all of my closest friends last week - I just couldn't decide whether to continue working or not.

When he was in for a month back in April/May, I took about 2 1/2 weeks off , and even though I love my job, I was dreading going back. Really dreading it. I was worried that I didn't have any caring left in me. Luckily the "caring for Steve" pot is a different pot of care to the "Caring for my elderly friends" pot, so there's actually plenty of care left in me.

Having had a long conversation with those nearest and dearest, I decided that it was incredibly important for me to maintain my sense of self in all this. Steve needs me in a way I never thought another adult could need me, and of course I will always care for him in what ever way he needs, but I mustn't forsake my sense of self and self identity as it won't benefit anyone in the long run, so having "put it out there to the universe" to decide, I decided I would continue working until the universe told me to stop.

And I decided to treat myself to a new tattoo - a cameo of my beautiful daughter, just about finished it is. And the bonus is I get to spend 2 hours with lovely Liz. Doing nothing. It's so relaxing. Booking and having this done has been incredibly therapeutic - it's all just for ME. I booked it immediately after his diagnosis, it gave me something fairly immediate and positive to focus on.

It doesn't work if you don't verbally say "I am giving this over to the universe to guide me on my path" or something like it, and it helps if you have witnesses. I did. I joked with my good friends this week that the universe wanted me to be unemployed and fat, as each time I start power walking and decide not to give up work Stevie gets taken into hospital, so I'm convinced that the universe has other plans for me!

So it's thrown me a MASSIVE and brilliant curve ball (well it could be if I don't screw it up).

As most of you know, I've done some stuff for our lovely BBC Radio Wales station on multiple occasions, and my goodness do I enjoy it. I really do. Well I've been asked to do some reporting for them in the next couple of weeks. How excited am I exactly?!?


  1. ((HUG)) I'm glad you're paying attention to your own well-being too. I totally agree that you're no use to anyone else if you're not honouring yourself properly!

    Thanks for the text on Friday. I was really quite moved that you would chose to text me with your happy news about BBC Wales x

  2. It's an easy trap to fall into though, eh?

    You're most welcome - I really enjoy your virtual company :) xxx