Niffs, Whiffs, Woofs and Wind

Today I discovered that hormones and power tools do not mix.

Especially when it involves the misplacing of the chuck key. As any DIYer knows, a power drill ain't much use without one. This is the first time I've properly lost it since I assumed responsibility for all the household tasks, therefore I cannot blame my man - he has played no part in it's loss.

It's those bloody lady boy plate cake stands. That was the last time I had it was when I was making them. I reckon I must have been so physically and mentally exhausted from the ordeal that I put it away somewhere safe as a result of the delirium. 

My friends think it's hilarious that I've started to take personal offence at the high winds we've had over the last few months.

This puts me in mind of a question I heard on Never Mind the Buzzcocks. It was a "which of these three ridiculous statements are true?" question and it turned out to be that in the 1980's while on tour Elton John demanded that "something be done about the wind" that was keeping him awake. Oh lord, does that mean I have to start wearing bad wigs and mental glasses now? (Sounds alright actually....)

Well, my poor out houses. My poor summerhouse has had some of her felt blown off the roof, and my poor shed's door has been blown off three times (a lot of blowing off goes on around here) so, armed with a few t-hinges, and bolts, I set out to repair said door.

But I couldn't find the chuck, then I couldn't glue the splintered bit back on, then some timber I had cut up to improvise with wouldn't glue either because it was too wet ... at this point, the dogs are all hiding under the patio set as I flail around hormonally harrummphing and slamming stuff. Steve then starts whistling which has two effects, firstly makes me want to fly into an unprovoked violent rage and obliterate up everything I see with a lump hammer, and secondly, indicates to me that there's only one outcome ... a great big PMT sulk.

The fact that a whole bag of charcoal proceeded to cascade from the unsecured bottom of it's dwelling bag aaaaaallllllll over the boxes of beautifully catalogued, washed and wrapped crockery for secret uses, filled me with joy and love for the universe and all my fellow beings. The fact that every now and again another bit falls out of my boot and crunches tauntingly under my foot and creating one more little job for me, just makes me want to kiss babies.

I once heard that women's driving is altered by hormones. They affect hand eye co-ordination, distance perception that kind of thing. It's bloody true. Well it was today. Two left hands, much cursing.

Speaking of wind (keep up) oh my days have we had a treat in this house over the last couple of days. As you know we have a Cocker Spaniel, a Springer Spaniel and a Chocolate Labrador. We're convinced that brown labradors are not called "chocolate" because of their brownness, it's to do with their obsession with any kind of food, substances edible if not digestible or ingest-able. 

I went up the farm shop the other day I bought them a lovely roasted bone each. They'd been dead good. Despite my thinking better of it.

They stink in the car, they stink in the house, they make doggie woof woofs like you wouldn't believe, but they're so good at teeth cleaning it just has to be done. Making their tea, I remembered that I'd accidentally left out a load of Stilton and Broccoli soup. Well I'm not going to waste it even though I knew I'd pay a whiffy price for it.

3am and there's doggies dancing with their legs crossed and a very grumpy Betty. So, I let them out to "attend to their ablutions", and I think to myself "may as well leave the back door open or I'll have to get back up again in a couple of hours".

Labrador's a little down in the mouth when we get up. Panting, dry nose, looking sorry for himself. I try to  give him a cuddle to make up for it but I just can't bear it. The stench is permeating through his pores. And his paws (fnar fnar - see what I did there?!). It's only when I'm going about my daily business that I discover that the big brown get (he does actually answer to that name) has only gone and broken into my pantry shed and eaten his bodyweight in dry dog food by knawing a snout sized hole in the bag.

Airwick will do well off us this week, the big brown get.

You Clever, Clever ...

My Sister's dead clever too. It ain't just me.

Look at these she's made for me.

Pretty, aren't they? They make great presents too.

She'll make them for you too for a very reasonable price. Drop me a line if you'd like to place an order and I'll put you in touch with her.

Being this brilliant is more of a burden, than a gift for us :)

Christmas Fire Party - I think it's going to become a regular occurrence it was so much fun!

Just add booze, coats, hot lamb cawl and chunks of wholemeal bread and a fire. Entertainment, and enjoyment guaranteed!
Lovely festive candle arrangement made by our friend Jon
So there we were, watching Gardner's Christmas World, and they lit a bonfire and were scoffing mince pies, quaffing mulled wine - all outside. I looked at him, he looked at me, and we thought "why not!"

It was Saturday the next day, the forecast was decent, so we broke out the fire logs, dried the wood in the oven, and set about making fire.

Don't be deceived - this is not tea! It's lovely, lovely mulled wine!

Baby Pinks

This is Meg's FAVOURITE Christmas present this year. After being repeatedly messed about by a thick bloke who doesn't know he's born, she asked me (jokingly) to make her a "full size boyfriend shaped cushion so I don't have to bother with men". So I did. And his name is Fogarty, given that he's stuffed with 4 bed pillows, thus named by the Mumatron.


Decs are down, house is clean and on with the planning for this year.

All I have to do really now (other than repair the damage the bloomin' wind has created AGAIN) is clean out my craft den.

I got a lovely dressmakers dummy for Christmas and when I got her up tp the den I realised that there is SOOOOOOO much mess up there that I had nowhere to stand her!

She's not got a name yet either ...

I'm going to be using her shortly too - I made Meg a gorgeous 50's style black and red spotty frock that needs finishing quite urgently as she needs it for a photo shoot.

But I met a new person yesterday to make clothes and lovely things for. I defy you to not make cooing noises over her deliciousness!

Bloomin' Teenagers

My teenager's computer is broke. As a result, mine is permanently being used to skype a young German gentleman who shall remain nameless.

As a result, no posts for ages, which is rubbish. So here's some photos of stuff what I have been mostly making over Christmas ... and here's to my new year's resolution of retrieving said 'puter on a regular basis!

Crockery in Disguise

Who the hell would have thought that plates could pretend to be something other than what they are?!?

My lovely friend H told me about her clever sister's Christmas present ideas a few months ago. Vintage plates made into cake stands with ironmongery bought off of her majesty's royal internet.

"What a lovely present!" I thought - and said. I sadly would be strung up if I brought any more cake stands into the house, and lots of my friends, while they appreciate the merits and finer points of a cake stand, aren't really the sorts of people that would appreciate one as a present. "Shame". I thought. That's the sort of thing I'd like to make. "Shame I have no use for more cake stands!"

Then, as luck would have it, I, ahem, have a use for some cake stands. I can be a little more candid than usual as I know him indoors won't see this. He's not feeling too good.

Let's just say, I have a very good use for LOTS of cake stands next year.

So, El & Beth's Saturday Afternoon Craft Workshop ( or EBSACw for short) decided to embrace "the cake stand".

I bought three dinner and three side plates in pale pink when Steve and I took the Grandmother to Tenby the other week. £1 for all three and I really like them because they remind me of quilts. They have circles of three decreasing widths embossed into them in a quilting style - they're dead pretty.

The Grandmother gave me a tea set the other week that's lovely but the kind of wrong colours for my requirements. The are cream with a brown dog rose pattern on. El had a brain wave. We could paint the dog roses. We had a little go an lo and behold, dog roses painted red become poppies!

And I purchased another incomplete tea/dinner set this week courtesy of St David's Foundation, so one of those was earmarked for a cake stand too. I did think about making 2 from this set. I've changed my mind. A lot.

So, we got the drill, we measured the plates, marked the plates, located the special arrow-head ceramic drill bit ... and off we went.

Little did we know that we had a traitor in the midst. One of our plates was not what it pretended to be.

Obviously the pink set, the dog rose set, both female. Relatively easy to drill, and ta dah! we have cake stands! We set about the third one. Decorated with pretty orchids and such like one would think it was also female. Not so. It had a distinguishing mark on the bottom "made in Japan". Therefore we could only come to the conclusion that this set was male in disguise as it gave us so much trouble. A Japanese lady boy, we decided. A rugby player, dressed as a delicate lovely, pretty set of table wear. I swear the stuff was made of kryptonite.

There's only going to be one of those cake stands.

Pretty though, ain't they?! Can't wait till they fulfill their purpose ...

Today I have Mostly Been Fabric Shopping ...

...and doing 1940's barrel rolls for Meg's photo shoot this evening.

I made my advent calendar yesterday. I can't take the credit for it, it's a Martha Stewart concept, realised by my good self and fashioned as a result of two year's worth of collecting.

It's made of 25 baby socks, sewn on to a washing line style red ribbon. Each one has 3 sweets and 3 gravy bone biscuits in - one each for the whole herd. I;d love to show you it, but I can't find my little mini gold pegs. When I do, I will show you. Unless I get fed up of looking and post it anyway.

As usual, I had a really specific idea in my head of the Christmas presents I was to be making for my most important ladies this year. And as usual, when it came to buying the raw materials, I bought something totally different and, I think, better. Lovely chestnut corduroy handbags with amber handles and a beautiful print to line and decorate with and co ordinate with the brooch. I'm chuffed to say that I'm making one for my good mate El's Mum. She's setting up a little soap and cream business and is making dreamy products on her kitchen table - I'm thrilled to be her guinea pig.

And I do hope it all turns up soon or it's going to be a 3am finish every night until Christmas again like last year. Lordy, I'm just not as organised as I'd like to be... but who is?

SO in the mean time, this is the "lady garden warmer" I made for Meg's, ahem, "special day" last week. You like?

Oh knickers to it .... here's my calendar.